So I bought a computer. Windows 8 and touch screen. Got to keep up.
There’s this thing about Windows versus Apple. Apple people are artists. Monet, Michelangelo, Hemingway, Miles Davis. That’s who Apple people are. Or that’s what they want us to think. Apple software is intuitive. You don’t want to be thinking about the software when you are creating.
Windows on the other hand is serious, businesslike. The software takes training. Big thick books tell you how to perform complex tasks. Because this is not art. It’s not painting or making music or writing novels. It’s technical manuals. It’s engineering drawings. It’s spreadsheets.
So if that’s Windows how do you explain Windows 8? I think Microsoft folks are jealous of Apple people. Because Windows 8 is… different.
To begins with it has this Start screen with big colorful squares instead of your normal icons. It looks like something for kids. Then there is this thing on the side (you have to ‘swipe’ to see it.). A small collection of icons like search and start and other stuff like that. Not so bad except for what they call them. Windows calls them ‘charms’.
Charms? Are you serious? Are we children? Maybe I made a mistake and bought the computer with the Strawberry Shortcake version of Windows.
I know. Let’s drop the big squares for programs (Windows calls them apps now) and set them on a big colorful rainbow. Yes that’s it. Or maybe we could put the ‘apps’ in different rooms of Barbi’s townhouse.
For boys we could have them in Wayne Manor, complete with the Batcave. Or GI Joe. Or Masters of the Universe. The possibilities are endless.
Wait. I’ve got it. A Star Wars version with the Millennium Falcon and X Wing fighters and the Death Star. When you swipe you’ll hear that sound that light sabers make when you cut somebody’s arm off. When you empty the trash you’ll see the Death Star blow up, not the cheesy nineties version, but the original from the seventies.
I think I’m really on to something here.