It’s been almost a month since my last post. I was surprised to see that. I thought it was maybe a couple of weeks.
There are some bloggers I follow who come across as sad, depressed, filled with negative emotions. It bothers me when they disappear. I worry about what has happened to them. I know some people using blogging as a sort of therapy. Talking (writing, blogging) about your troubles can help. It can be a comfort to know there is a vast cyber host of people listening, empathizing, and. yes, praying for you. So I worry when a hurting blogger drops out. Did he decide there was no point in venting his pain? Did she say to herself ‘What’s the use’?
But that’s not been my problem. Sure, I’ve been stressed, depressed, defeated. There have been times over the last couple of years that I’ve been tempted to say ‘What’s the use, What’s the point?’ and been tempted to pull the plug. But I didn’t. And that has not been my problem over the past month.
I retired and moved back home to Arkansas in January. Last month I started working for the company I left eleven years ago. Just part time, ten hours a week. But it makes me feel useful, significant, worth something. I have become schizophrenic. The day before I’m to go to work I’m not looking forward to it. After two days at work I’m disappointed that I can’t go back the next day. God help me, I want to do more. I want to be part of the decision making process. I want to be more than a part time contract worker. I want to be a part of something.
So what does that mean in relation to blogging (or not blogging)? Could it be that the blogging was just a way to make me feel good about myself? That now that I have something to make me feel significant I don’t need to blog anymore? Was that all it was about? Oh, I hope not.
There’s nothing wrong with doing something that makes you feel good about yourself. This world can eat up your self esteem and I’m for anything that’s not sin that will keep you above that. But I wanted blogging to be more than that. And I didn’t want it to be about me. I wanted it to be about God, about Jesus. Even when I don’t mention the Names I want it to be about them.
So I think I’ll keep on. Vacation coming up so maybe not for another week or so. But I’ll keep it up. It’s amazing how much our world is affected by texture, by the background noise. So I don’t want to make waves. Just a few ripples could make a difference.